Entrepreneur Ve Jano Alexander, 32, has been openly polyamorous for two years. His journey began when his marriage ended. Divorced and single, Alexander began to dive deeper into what he truly wanted in life and relationships.
Years later, Alexander is happy with his life as a poly-Black man living in the US. He’s learned a lot about himself and his desires. He’s taken multiple trips over the last few years alone and with partners. Boundaries while making connections are a major part of his life both when he’s home in New York and while traveling; allowing him to have fun and meet amazing people.
“Either way I’m able to communicate those boundaries without having those boundaries be restrictions,” Alexander said.
Ethically Non-Monogamous
Polyamory is the practice of having multiple intimate relationships with the full knowledge of all parties involved. Over the last decade, polyamory and other forms of ethically non-monogamous relationships have become more popular. People across the globe are ditching traditional relationship norms. Instead, they’re choosing relationship preferences that better align with their beliefs and lifestyles. For some, this means loving, living, and traveling with multiple partners.
Every polyamorous relationship is different. Alexander enjoys both parallel and garden party-style relationships where everyone is aware there are other partners. These types of spaces allow him to travel freely without feeling like he’s damaging the relationship by making connections with other people.
“I like the flexibility of being able to show up in any place and being able to make a connection without having to go into it on an ‘oh my gosh am I violating something’ or being worried about getting to close to some of the opposite gender,” he said.
Emotional Connections While Traveling
Bam O’Neal, 32, and his wife have also been able to connect with partners while traveling. The couple decided to be polyamorous due to his wife’s intimate interest in women. Although they’re not dating anyone currently, the O’Neal’s traveled often with a past partner while in a two-year relationship. Their summer and birthday trips to Las Vegas, the Ozarks, and Houston were memorable and fun.
“It was fun for everyone because we just had a good time,” O’Neal said. “We had a blast. Of course, people used to look and stuff like that, but we never had any problems.”
While they received glances from curious onlookers, O’Neal said traveling while Black and poly isn’t any different than monogamous travel. He and his wife have just as much fun alone as when someone else is present.
“If it’s just me and my wife going somewhere, we have a blast,” he said. “If it’s me, my wife, and somebody else that we’re dealing with, we have a blast. It’s not really a difference. The only difference is, it’s an extra person.”
Kita G., 30, also said the looks from strangers while traveling can be daunting. However, it’s to be expected. She is currently dating a married couple and has been on multiple cruises and vacations with the pair. She’s noticed other travelers look a little confused when seeing a man with her one day and then the next with his wife. But their travel experience isn’t any different from any other group trip.
“If you’re in it for the right reasons and you’re really comfortable with each other, it’s really more like a friendship,” Kita said.
The trouple has visited Mexico and Jamaica together. With both parties having children, sometimes the kids have even tagged along on cruises. The onboard daycare allows time for the kids to play while the adults enjoy other activities on the ship. Whereas many people assume these trips are centered around sex, Kita says it’s not like that.
“Sex is something that happens but we really just have fun,” she said. “It’s not about everyone just touching on each other. It’s really about building emotional relationships with people.”
Everything Isn’t For Everyone
This is just one misconception Kita has heard about polyamorous individuals who travel. She said being poly isn’t a free-for-all space where anything goes. Instead, she’s spending time with people she truly cares about in a non-conventional relationship space out of town.
“It’s people who realize traditional monogamy isn’t for them, and instead of listening to what society forces us to be okay with, they just decided to be grown and be open and communicate about it,” she said.
O’Neal also says that traveling while poly isn’t for everyone. He and his wife have only traveled with one partner. However, he said it’s not the fantasy everyone thinks it is and proper communication needs to happen before traveling with anyone.
“It’s not what it seems to be,” he said. “It’s not just sex and it’s not the fantasy that people think.”
Kita encourages polyamorous travelers to travel alone before launching into group travel. She believes it’s one of the best ways to get to know yourself. However, traveling in groups can also help travelers connect with like-minded people who are also living the same lifestyle.
“There’s nothing like being able to be in a group of people where everyone knows what’s going on,” she said. “There’s no judgment. There’s nothing you have to worry about and everyone is minding their own business because you know they have their own things going on too.”